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Ten Tips

TEN TIPS TO USING YOUR DARK SIDE TO LIVE WELL

 1. Ask yourself what you’re angry about.  If you’re not angry about anything now, think about the last time you were angry.  Listen to what you’re anger is telling you.  What is it that you want to get rid of, protect yourself against, overcome?  What is keeping you from taking care of yourself?  Use the energy in the anger to do something about it. Click here to learn more. 

 2. The next time you feel stressed – in your gut, your head, your chest, your eyes or anywhere else, ask yourself what is threatening you or what is being demanded of you and use the energy in the stress response to deal with the threat or meet the demand. If you decide not to deal with the threat or meet the demand, find some other ways of using the energy in the stress response so that it doesn’t hurt you.  Click here to learn more.

Hint:  Anything which gets in the way of you loving the way you want to love, expressing yourself the way you want to express yourself (including work) or enjoying life the way you want to enjoy it will trigger the stress response.

 3. Pay attention to what happens to you – not what you think you want to happen.  Whatever happened – especially if it’s not what you wanted to happen – ask yourself the following questions:

How did I contribute to this happening?

Why might I have wanted this to happen? Click here to learn more.

 4. Pay attention to the mistakes you make – mistakes of speaking, hearing, writing, forgetting, missing appointments, losing things, having accidents, etc.  Ask yourself:

What is the meaning of this mistake?

What can this mistake tell me about what I want, what I don’t want, what I’m afraid of, what I want to avoid, what I like, what I don’t like?

Click here to learn more.

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 5. The next time you’re aware of feeling bad, down, sad, depressed, anxious, stressed, ask yourself these questions:

What am I thinking?  What thoughts are in my head?

To what extent are those thoughts realistic, supported by evidence and helpful?

What are some other thoughts I could have that are more realistic and helpful?

If the thoughts that are in my head are not realistic and useful, where are they coming from?  What is behind them?  What can they tell me about the beliefs, attitudes and assumptions that are hidden deep in my psyche? Click here to learn more.

 

 6. The next time you find yourself feeling jealous, ask yourself:

Where is this jealousy coming from?

What is it telling me about what I want and don’t have?

What can I do to get that?

Why do I want it?

Click here to learn more.

 

 7. The next time you find yourself being afraid, ask yourself:

What exactly am I afraid of?

What is the worst thing that can happen?

Use your intuition to decide if you are going to walk with the fear or going to stay away from what you are afraid of and protect yourself.

To learn more, click here.

 

 8. The next time you are aware that somebody is behaving in a way that is a problem for you, bring it up with them in a way that won’t harm your relationship, make them defensive or make things worse. Here are some hints on how to do that.

    Describe what you are noticing. Don’t evaluate it, i.e. say it is bad behavior.

    Tell the person you are having a problem with what you are noticing. Don’t say you have a solution.

    Tell the person you’d like to work with them on coming up with some solution.

    Click here for some tips on how to do that. 

 9. Work at learning from your dreams.  If you don’t remember your dreams, put a pad and pencil or pen by your bed and, as soon as you are barely awake – even less than half awake – write down your dream.  Before you go to sleep, tell yourself that you want to remember your dream so you can learn from it.  Once you remember even a small part of your dream, use some way of listening to the message from it, learning what it has to tell you.  For more information on how to do that click here.

 10. The next time you experience the symptoms of panic attack – heart palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating, numbness in your fingers and toes, feel like you’re going to faint, afraid you’re having a heart attack or stroke – focus on something outside of yourself, tell yourself “I know what this is.  This is a panic attack.  I’ve gotten through these before.  I’ll get through this one.”  When it’s over ask yourself:

Am I facing some dilemma that is so difficult it doesn’t have any good solution, so difficult that I don’t even want to know what it is?

To learn more, click here.

 

 

 

 

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